Sleeping with the enemy

She’s gorgeous but can you sleep with her? I don’t mean extreme bed sports; I’m talking about getting much ZZZZzzzzz’s so you wake up refreshed and ready to take on the day.

Partner disturbance is responsible for one in 20 relationships ending.  It is the cause for unnecessary crankiness, the inability to think straight, poor short term memory, reduced concentration and constantly feeling tired.  His and Her master bedrooms used to be a luxury reserved for the decadently rich and famous.  If you’re frantic for sleep, they are touted as a must-have. Although I’ve always believed separate bedrooms are the first steps towards the demise of your relationship.

We have some survival tips to save you from spending uncomfortable nights on the sofa.

She grunts and snores like a wart hog.
It’s hard to believe the gorgeous creature next to you could be capable of causing such a racket. Aside from smothering her with a pillow, there are hundreds of techniques from noise-reducing ear plugs to attaching a tennis ball to a PJ top to stop her rolling on to her back. Learning to play the Australia’s most renowned native instrument the didgeridoo can assist in the art of circular breathing and help reduce snoring. There are also nasal strips, snoring pillows, humidifiers, elevating her head and banning alcoholic beverages.  If none of these help your partner, make an appointment with a doctor because if it’s Sleep Apnoea, it can be fatal.

She cocoons herself in the covers.
She’s fragile and gentle but when the lights go down it’s like wrestling an alligator for the bed covers. The smart solution is to get your own blankets. This is a common practice in Europe and you’ll find a lot of hotels with double beds provide two single Duvets. It also solves the problem where she feels the cold and has to have six layers of bedding to the point where you feel like you might spontaneously combust.

She holds conversations with herself
Random mutterings to monotonous monologues about dry-cleaning, short from surgically stapling her lips together, there’s not a lot that can be done.  Experts believe sleep talking is caused in times of high stress or poor health. Go the earplugs!

She goes walkabout.
You walk up and she’s strutting around the house naked trying to escape out the front door. You will rest easier if you know your home is Sleepwalker proof. Lock windows, place an alarm on the bedroom door, remove dangerous objects and hide car keys. If you must live in an apartment block, try for a unit on the ground level.  Hypnotherapy has been found to be useful and if episodes start happening frequently, insist your partner seek medical advice.

She constantly wriggles her legs.
Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) is the irresistible urge to constantly move the legs to get rid of the creeping, crawling, tingly feeling.  Low iron levels, certain medications, caffeine, tobacco and alcohol may aggravate symptoms. A diet with fresh fruit, vegetables, nuts and grains can offer relief to sufferers, while Magnesium is also believed to beneficial. Also invest in a top quality mattress designed to reduce partner disturbance.

With a little common sense you’ll be enjoying a better night’s sleep. Sweet dreams.

~ Leigh-Anne Wadley